I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
