..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
