too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
