end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We are all done wearing pants today
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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