My nipple is on Facebook.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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