as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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