his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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