Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
two words: eviction party
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
