Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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