margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
