Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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