where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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