3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
