we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize