Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
