He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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