If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
