shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
COCAINE IS GR8
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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