Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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