you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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