I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
