do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
