dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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