everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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