That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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