sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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