There is no way he is gay with that hair.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
