Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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