I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
