That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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