Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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