More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize