totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
