Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
