3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
