The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Buhtt sex?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
50% drunk capacity currently
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize