We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
