just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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