it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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