We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
