I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
