I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize