I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
