is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
