I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Panties = found
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
