gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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