Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my being single is dangerous.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
