like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
