i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
