Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
