wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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