I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
