I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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