I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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