my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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