she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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