My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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