I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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