Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
