she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
