it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
