Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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