She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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