my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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