I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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