i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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