Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
