Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
